I Know Why the Audience is in the Dark

Fri, 16 Mar 2012 18:42:22 -0400

By Frances Taylor Brown

On the 10 o'clock train home from the Ashley Davis concert
Walking in to Joe's Pub late for the show after a long train ride and some searching for the number of the unfamiliar building ... 460, 417, ahh...425, I follow the waitress to a small table just to the right of the stage. The show is in progress. I smile apologetically to the woman singing on stage ... sorry I am late, but so grateful to be there for the event. She smiles back.

What a wonderful gift, the etherial sound of her voice. Ashley Davis is debuting her new album (I am dating myself, but I still think of CD's as albums) "Songs of the Celtic Winter". Her mother has been one of my regular students for a long time and introduced me to her daughters music as it was similar to some music I had played regularly in class by a wonderful Yogi/Musician named Michael Hewitt. "I know why the audience is in the dark" I think to myself as she plays a beautiful song and tears run down my face. I don't wipe them thinking it will be less obvious to those around me. I wonder how many other people in the audience are crying too. I imagine it could be many.

That's what we're here for, isn't it? Along side generally being entertained, we're here to be moved ... to feel our emotions. Once in a while singing the blues just makes us feel better. Knowing that someone else out there and has sung the same song in their heart gives us comfort. Music has a wonderful way of allowing us to process our feelings and letting us know we are not alone in the process. I heard a quote yesterday in yoga class by Maya Angelou that said, "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." I want to share this with my kids.

The picture above was taken at about 10 o'clock on my way home. I was surprised to see a mom and her boy at that hour on the train apparently doing homework. I thought about how the academic focus for our kids misses so much of what they need to know in life that will serve them in their process. How to process their own feelings, and how they treat people and how to hold their own if others don't treat them with dignity and respect that all humans deserve, how to stand up to them, and when life throws you a curve ball, how to grieve and then move past the sadness to the other side. Most of all I want for my kids to know that they are not alone as they go through it all, that they have a community that has been through it before them, and they have the support of not having it all by themselves.

Thank you, thank you, musicians of the world for helping us to connect to our feelings , and allowing the space and time to feel and move through them. And especially for letting us know that in times of trouble, we are not the only ones singing the blues.

C-O-N-C-E-N-T-R-A-T-I-O-N

Sun, 29 May 2011 07:11:52 -0400

Remember the game Concentration from when you were a kid? You would repeat the words over and over again. Kinda like Patty Cakes but the cool big kid version. Well, concentration became our focus in Prenatal class on Saturday this time it was the adult version. (which is not much different from the kids.) Pick a focus and come back to it over and over again. Training the mind to come back to a single point of attention is the first step in developing a meditation practice. The weekly prenatal theme was entitled “Over Exhaustion During Pregnancy: What to do?” in the article Deb says “If the body is in a state of stress and sustained fatigue, adrenaline levels will be high, therefore not allowing for the natural, uninhibited flow of oxytocin- the hormone responsible for creating uterine contractions. This can result in inadequate contractions leading to a longer labor.” So as the case is so often in prenatal class, we looked for tools we could use to de-stress. and introduced the counting down backwards from fifty meditation. This practice comes from Erich Schiffmann’s wonderful Book “Yoga: The Spirit and Practice of Moving into Stillness”

In it, he describes stillness “like a perfectly centered top, spinning so fast it appears motionless.” He goes on to say “Stillness happens when you relax inside and are in harmony with yourself.
This is the point: When you experience yourself in stillness – that is, when you give your undivided attention to experiencing the truth about you – you will experience the conflict-free, calm, dynamic peace of perfectly centered abundant life energy.” Now... who doesn’t want to feel that?! Especially in the labor process. We also used a modified Ujjaye breath and practiced coming back to it over and over again throughout the practice. There is such a calming effect of coming back to the breath in yoga practice. The modification for prenatal students in Ujjaye breathing is to do it with an open mouth and only on the exhales. In prenatal students, it is often the case that because of extra fluid volume that occurs during pregnancy, there is a swelling of the nasal passages that creates what I like to call the “mommy stuffy nose”. It feels like you have a cold, but it is really just a constriction of the nasal passage ways that can make regular Ujjaye breathing uncomfortable. It becomes a game where the goal is whoever can come back to “Whispering AHHHHH” the most wins a little more peace and relaxation for themselves and their baby. Make concentration practice a game... find the stillness in the spinning top and we all win.

Inner Space

Sun, 22 May 2011 02:19:43 -0400

Today’s theme in Prenatal class became an exploration of “Inner Space”. It was inspired by The Prenatal Center’s weekly theme that comes from the blog on their website. I am a big fan of the weekly theme. Having taught prenatal yoga for several years and gone through two pregnancies myself, I see that in the prenatal world opinions are often VERY strong and VERY polarized. As a mom going through a first pregnancy, this can become especially confusing. Deb Flashenberg, the owner of the Prenatal Yoga Studio, and long time Doula who has seen many many births, does an amazing job of presenting both sides of the spectrum, and includes many reliable links for her students to follow for more information. This way, they can become well informed, and then make their own decisions with confidence.(read momfidence) today’s theme was entitled “Is Pregnancy Public Domain?” and commented on the phenomenon that has people including total strangers break what can be referred to as your own personal bubble of space. Complete strangers while you are waiting for an elevator ask, “May I touch your belly?” (Okay...Wait a minute. If I wasn’t pregnant, would you ask that?) We used the bubble of space concept and took a different slant on it to help our birth prep.... The focus became an exploration of “Inner Space”. In prenatal yoga class, we cultivate tools that can be helpful in the labor process. Checking in with our bodies so that we stay IN the current moment (which can diminish our perception of pain) and AWAY from anxiety and fear (that can heighten our sensation of pain). My yoga mentor, Mukunda Stiles in private structural yoga therapy sessions would often have students come to him in a great deal of pain. He would ask them questions to bring their focus to their body and have them try to pinpoint what they were feeling. Where is the pain actually manifesting? Can you be more specific? Is it superficial (closer to the surface of the body) or deep? By deconstructing the sensations in the body, often times the pain would diminish just by going through the exploration process. Today in class, we used this technique of inner exploration. We did some longer holds in a few poses. Longer holds from time to time can help build endurance which is especially important for the legs in preparation for labor and delivery as you may have to hold a position for a long time. We focused on three general areas of the body while in different yoga poses. Simply put, the bottom (feet) middle(knees and hips) and top(neck and shoulders). This way, we have a template of “go to” questions for our practice. Where do you feel the weight on your feet? Can you balance out the weight on the inner and outer edges, on the front and back? Where are the knees and hips aligned? Can you feel the actions of the hips? How do the neck and shoulders feel? Practice bringing awareness to these areas one at a time and as Erich Schiffmann would say “Intentionally relax” them. In this way our practice becomes a moving meditation. Try this in several poses to cultivate the practice of inner exploration. bringing your awareness to your own inner space can cultivate more peace and ease on the inside and outside

20 Minute Mom (day 1)

Sat, 20 Nov 2010 06:10:11 -0500

4:46 I did it. I am starting a 20 minute a daily meditation practice. confessions of a yoga teacher, I've been taught a lot of practices. I can teach them to other people. I know they work based on the history and knowledge shared by millions of other people in many studies I cannot name. De-stress. de-clutter your mind. have a better life. I have to say, I love the life I have. I have no complaints. but... to have more clarity as a mom... that could really be something special. more connection with my kids, a cleaner house cause I can find a way to fit it in while doing a million other things... Okay. Some background. Last night up at 2. couldn't sleep (up at 2AM). I realized there is whole world that goes on in the wee hours of the day. the garbage trucks that sound like prehistoric dinosaurs. the guy in the laundry room mopping then polishing the floor. the door man is still up. the security guards in the kiosk having a jovial conversation. Okay, I got a lot done in those wee hours myself. I digress. so today is the day I start. 4:18. I had hit snooze from my 4 o'clock alarm. kicking myself. I could have been done already. Pink and multicolored baby blanket, a ready cushion for my knees. the "Gabriel" puzzle bench I have chosen for my seat is a bit too high. the hard corner presses into my posteriorly tilted butt. I set my timer on my I phone. Good, I can see the numbers if I put it in front of me. the a few minutes later the screen goes blank... bummer. My mind is racing. I have so much to do. it races a bit longer. I can still stay pretty still. It's dark. will it get light while I sit? No. Daylight savings. I worry about my right knee that has been bothering me. it's okay. Great. A tear runs down my face from watery eyes. I don't wipe it. Go girl, you're still still. I begin to do the counting down from 50 meditation. 50, 49,48,47,48,49. where am I? 48,47 back on track. same thing happens somewhere in the 30's. I notice my breath. it gets fuller. I feel good. The tear is still running down my face. I get to 7. I get excited. I'm doing it! Every once in a while, a letter comes to mind that I got from the Blue Mountain Society about meditation. It had a testimonial from a mom with, I believe a teenage son. She had started a meditation practice. I cried when I read it. At a certain point in the letter, the mom spoke of her son thanking her for doing the practice. I think it had a great impact on their relationship. it still makes me smile to think about it.

Adult Tantrum

Sun, 2 May 2010 08:10:50 -0400

Last night I had an epiphany. I was in the middle of having an adult tantrum. The moment I realized that was what was happening, I felt so much better! Let me explain. We have off and on had to deal with, as many of you parents out there know well, the tantrums that go with kids. Good kids. it’s just a part of their growing and attempting to express their feelings. Thanks to shows like Super Nanny, Even non-parents are familiar with kids tantrums.

Here is an example of what led up to one of our tantrum experiences, and how it was resolved. It was Halloween season. Each year one of our neighbors gets very VERY creative with their yard decorations. They make them look really real, and really scary. The decor comes complete with zombies climbing out of freshly dug graves, bloody appendages, and skulls on stakes. I myself am not a big fan of blood and gore in general, but blood and gore out on a neighborhood street you see every day on your way to school really rubs me the wrong way. Especially if I have small children (1 and 4 at the time) And especially if I feel it’s so scary, I’M afraid of it. Yes, I thought about going another route, but I decided to try and rush past the yard as fast as I could instead (....and yes, I thought of addressing the parents responsible, but the yard space is outside of an apartment complex, so it’s hard to tell who the culprit really is.) Not long after arriving home, We are sitting down for dinner, and the tantrum begins. As it escalates, we have what I call a “red spoon, blue spoon” moment. This is one of those times where it seems like no matter what you do it’s just not going to help waylay the tantrum. “I want the RED spoon! says Gabriel. As soon as I give him the red spoon, he immediately says “I want the Blue spoon!”.The tantrum continues on for a while. The important thing to know is that it’s not really about the spoons. Even though it was a good amount of time that had passed since our rushing past the halloween display, my boy was still upset about it. It took some time for me to figure out that what was at the bottom of this tantrum was that my boy really wanted to go explore the icky gory halloween spectacle, and I didn’t let him. Getting to the bottom of what’s behind the tantrum can be so helpful in diffusing it. When he calmed down a bit, we talked about why mommy rushed past, and that I know he really really wanted to explore the scary scene, but that I thought it could give him nightmares. oNce we processed it, he felt much better. He just wanted to be heard.

When we as adults do not feel heard we get upset too,
this happens to all of us sometimes, and we have the adult version of a “red spoon, blue spoon moment”. Doing some self exploration when we just don’t feel alright about something can help us get to the bottom of our own personal melt downs and lead us to a better understanding of what is happening in the moment. Even if it is an adult tantrum.

What does an adult tantrum look like? Well sometimes not much different that a kid’s. Other times it is much more subtle, but with many of the same characteristics.

no surprise there. emotions are emotions, and we all have to learn to process them appropriately.